Just fell off a train. Bad.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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