At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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