I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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