I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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