Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
