Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
