We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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