I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
