walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
