Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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