So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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