The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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