The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
