Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
