I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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