u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
