dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
