She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
