During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
