I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize