she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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