we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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