I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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