I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
