he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
