Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
kristin has been a bad kristin
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
