i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
