lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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