There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
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She needs sedatives and a leash
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
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I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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