JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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