how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
