if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
