i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
