I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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