Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
