I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
