You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
