my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I need a beard to bite.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
