No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
