I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
