i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
