Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
