apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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