my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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