How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize