Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
