I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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