I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
