my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
