You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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