it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
