i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
