I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
