I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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