your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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