Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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