How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
