cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
