I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
