i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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