i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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