check it out our google latitudes are spooning
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
