you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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