Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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