If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
