Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize