We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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