How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
