the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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