well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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