so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
