i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
