I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
