Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
