There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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