you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
