i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
