You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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